I know that probably sounds silly but his replies are shorter and he doesnt joke around with me like he used to do. You should never settle. Am I a horrible girlfriend for feeling this way? I just want the real him back! Hi, I have a very similar situation to yours. He has weak immune systems and get sick often so we do have days without communication.Im completely okay with not talking everyday. It could be stress at work, ill-health, anxiety, or family issues. Its been bugging me for a while but I finally decided to do something about the fact that he doesnt really seem to make an effort to see me. Ladies lay back and observe. 58 here and it was us as the major priority for 3 solid yrs.. and now in our 4th yr. it has changed. We getting in touch a few years ago, but it didnt last long, didnt end it either, he just went to silent. I really i am lost and dont know what to do, love only gets old if he allows it, I have been trying to do sweet things for him aswell by making him a nice meal and texting him good morning and just checking up on him but I guess he seems rather bored. But I just dont have enough energy to even cry sometimes. I take it very personally and feel disrespected by this, alone, that he has such little respect for my comfort or opinion of him he just doesnt bother but he will shower and shave and brush his hair even to go get a haircut. You wouldnt be HERE if you thought your gut was wrong. Now, what do I *do*? But I always gave him the benefit of the doubt. I have no family and feel really lonely. you can still offer him emotional support (from a distance) if he needs itgood luck, xoxo. I envisioned a life time ahead of feeling let down by this person. He assumed I wanted an argument for asking him to take the bin out. He said he would change, but he said that before. I dont do things just to expect it in return but you just want reassurance that youre appreciated. So I dug in my heels, and he had a stressful day at work, so it ended with him yelling that I was bipolar and he needed a break before I left and he went back to work. So what I want to know is do this guy and me still have a chance to fix things? Oct 1, 2017 I was at the Rought 91 shooting in Vegas, Febr 2018 my husband at the time decided to go back to being a Jehovahs witness and puts a ton of stress on our 17 years of marriage, March 2018 get fired from new job of 2 months, July 2018 he cheats on me and divorces me. Adeli, I was in a long distance relationship for 1 year, so I understand. You can let go slowly at first and just start seeing other people. After crying and getting rid of the emotional baggage, I realize now how fortunate I am to be out of that relationship. He also said that I know how he is and that he is tired from work. This guy is not considerate at all and does not have your best interest at heart. I stayed because I felt that I deserved to hear those things, I was being enlightened about what others saw in me but were just too polite to say to me. I love him more than ever and I know I made the biggest mistake of my life. He is so patronizing and cold and arrogant towards me like now he does not need me since he was opened up and exposed to all these new awesome, smart, relatable people. I truely love him i said i ll forgive. I guess subconsciously I acted that way because hes quite lazy and I didnt want to cut him any slack in fear that he would put in less effort to maintain the long distance. We decided to move in together shortly after COVID began so I worked things out with my work and moved to his state. I did confront him regarding that and he said he still feels the same.But his recent actions have been bugging me and I cant help but feel like hes ignoring me on purpose,like hes tired of me. They dont hide in the house obsessing over chores with all their free time! 6 Ways to Revive Your Relationship. Its hard to let go of someone you love, and its not that easy for me. I feel in this kind of limbo where expressing dissatisfaction with a relationship that doesnt actually exist makes me sound like a basket case. I have been dating my boyfriend for 6 months also and at the beginning he put in so much effort above and beyond and now its like he is a different person. I really love him and he is my first. I am learning. Ive been with my bf for a year & half but we have past history. We do not even live together and he puts no effort, and I think throughout the years it would get worse if we get married, or live together. He nolonger would make as much effort, like call or text to check on me. Hey babe! Maybe he will brush his teeth at lunchtime but often he just smells like armpits and looks like a scruff and then wants to come to our clean bed that way. He said he is trying to change. What I got from this is that it is OK for a male to not understand what he wants in a relationship, but a female should bow down down no matter what. Wanting me to be available for him. He spends hours playing videogames and if I want us to go to bed together I always have to be waiting for him till 4 in the morning even when I have classes at 9, and when I wanna go to bed earlier I cant even sleep because of the noise and flashing lights of the videogame. When I started dating him I was very strong in my religion. We cuddled and played video games until 5 am and they took me home. He said hes tired or too busy. It takes a lot of patience and time. I just dont feel like a priority any more. He said its okay I dont judge you and Im sure no one does and if they do they can go fuck themselves! Weve been dating a little over a year. I feel it has been one sided in many ways and all he has given me is monetary odds and ends to compensate for the lack of emotional effort on his part. I dont know why he continues on with me if he has no interest. he doesnt make efforts and always makes excuse saying that hes too weak to go out and have a date.whenever we see each other we only stay at his room. Even though hes not there, I definitely dont sit home pining away for him. I am right there with you and share very similar feelings. YESTERDAY I TEXTED HIM AN TOLD HIM THE TRASH SMELT BAD AND HE SAID OKAY ILL TAKE IT OUT WHENI GET HOME. I bought him a journal for prompting thoughts of positivity and gratitude, He acted appreciative and was OK to do the morning and evening prompts. Especially since he cant even deliver the bare minimum in this relationship. He loves Instagram and has a fitness page, and is constantly posting pics on it and putting up stories of his everyday life. I sometimes think my expectations are too high. Thats something you need to know. Its not that those things arent wonderful, its just that I. I love my partner but I just feel like Im too smothering to him, I thought this was how you ought to be in a relationship. He gets annoyed and sighs and does the What do you want from me now?? It could be that your partner is losing interest and doesnt know how to communicate that with you," says marriage and family therapist Lynsie Seely. You wish your boyfriend was as attentive and loving as he was at the beginning of your relationship. Thats the only way you will know how he truly feels. Im still not brave enough to leave him though he was my first long term and Ive had the best time of my life with him. I asked him to go to a Valentines Day dance and we went. You cant make him love you, or force him to make an effort in your relationship. The three emotions you suggested we wrote down mine were: Last on the priorities, unloved, lonely/lost. I see slow progressions here and there. Were both divorced. Its been almost 2 yrs with him and I hot him gifts ( handmade thoughtful gift and a tshirt) he hot me nothing for my bday. I had a quarantine birthday and got a ton of messages and phone calls from everyone, but from him? There are sometimes I try to talk to him about my day, and he is listening but he doesnt engage or seem interested. He doesnt do the things he used to do. Do you want to stay with your boyfriend, just the way he is right now? There is a lot more to it that Im frustrated about, and recently Ive become I guess depressed about everything in general and find myself thinking about how it used to be and what I miss the most and to be honest all that ends up happening is me ending up crying, falling asleep and it starts all over again. I think women pick up on subtleties and there is something up. We did this at least once a week. Again, tons of excuses. Ive been with my mate for 8 years prior to dating we were band mates .I knew him to be extremely introverted and not the happy go lucky type but I honestly had no idea it would be like pulling a tooth without novocaine to get any emotional response, support or growth,out of him!I feel stunted and see my life ever changing and evolving yet his ,the same .He has taken on many of my attributes oddly ,yet I feel, Ive gained nothing in return. So my boyfriend and I will have been together for a year this november. Give him some space to work on his stuff and go easy on him for a bit. Because i often say this to him when i get angry. There is no consistency. Sometimes when I try to kiss him he shoved me away. He has his mum doing everything for him. He also is financially stressed and gets seasonal sadness (its winter here in Wisconsin) and I try my hardest to support his needs with it all but it drains me always having to take care of him while I get nothing in return except more expectations. I am like at the I dont know what to do stage right now my boyfriend is not even home because I told him to just leave we got together super fast and since the beginning I noticed that he wasnt affectionate at all but I thought he might be shy but as time passed he still is non affectionate at all! I simply did it because I knew I wasnt perfect and I wanted to become the women I needed to be for him. I have felt hurt and abandoned, left out, unwanted, ever since he started his masters two years ago and threatened by his preference for them over me. Me and my boyfriend have been together for over a year, but we have known each other for 10 years. He makes money but spends his money on the wrong thing. I visit him at work a couple nights a week and bring him dinner as he works second shift. And youll likely receive the same treatment. That gives a clear instruction on how they can help meet your needs. When we are together he is so sweet and wonderful. I bought so much things to do for his birthday . After being ignored all week he told me he was going on a boys trip, except he failed to mention he was already on the road out of town. I get it Im not a good gamer but I like the company. Antidepressents can be a good way to start on the road back to normal just to give you some emotional stability. "I stopped trying altogether," he said. He is in law school, I am getting my masters, and we also partake in a long distance relationship. I dont think he will change. Weve been together for over a year but known each other for 8 and its a first serious relationship for both of us. We planned to moving in together (I go to live with him), but due to the lockdown, the plan has been changed, because of his lack of the response, I decided not to move in with him for now, when I told him this, he replied that he would like to visit me when he can fly. He chose to try with his ex leaving me broken hearted but we remained friends. The next year we talked again. I dont think what Im asking for is difficult to do that it would take months to see any results. I love him to death, and I know he loves me. He commented on Tues night wed do it the next night so I was completely excited and ready to go at then finally at bedtime he laid there with his eyes closed and when I put the moves on him he told me its time for sleep, that we are just cuddling. So, my boyfriend and i have known each other our entire lives. Im sorry but what hes doing is horrible, really bad boyfriend in my eyes. It can make you feel insecure like theres something wrong with you. I dont know what he wants from me. I feel very angry that his being occupied with school took him away from me and suffocated what little was left of an already struggling relationship. ? line and starts listing all the nice things he did recently. He stopped foreplay. he likes to live in the moment as he says. When I ask whats wrong my boyfriend bites my head off, shouts at me, tells me Im just trying to cause trouble when Im totally calm and just asking a question. Its more about him being a hero. I suppose I could explain all this to him when he asks if I am upset with him because I am not replying so quickly, but I am nervous about making things weird between us on the project. Its like he wants to cause as much damage as he can verbally to win and I dont get it. He wanted to hang out everyday which at first I though was strange but I started to so after while it was weird for both of us to not be around each other every day. His emotions are totally unregulated. Soon realizing i wasnt going to come back to where i met him i tried to break it off. Perhaps you're the one whos losing interest: If you're constantly distracted, always on the phone, and aren't invested in your S.O. I almost believe he is avoiding me for not been attracted to me.I am sure that he wants me and I feel frustrated with his actions but I do love other qualities he has. The same month, I started my PhD program but I still made the time to see him. It is always me who looks up special events to go to like Gamevention (cause he likes video games), new Indian restaurants (cause he likes spicy food), or initiates going for a walk. He wont make an effort to see me. He also spends all is money on one of purchases like 600 pound shoes and then moans to borrow money while I foot the bill for car expenses etc.I feel like the only time he cuddles me is when he wants sex and if I have an excuse he immediately pulls away. She told him to break up with me so he emailed me and said we needed to take a break until the situation gets better. Hi, I really need help/advice Me and my boyfriend have been together for 9months and we really do love each other but a couple weeks ago we just didnt talk as much or communicate in person & I asked him if he wants this relationship and he said hes lost feelings for me (but he doesnt know and his heads abit lost) and it doesnt feel like were together anymore because the conversation is dead. Its easy for him to say he crashed at a friends, but let him get over the guilt or offers an explanation before he comes back. Dont settle for this. He blames his lack of functioning on his religious faith. I know thats not what you want to hear. NO PHONE CALL. All of the sudden he said hes not into texting. He was pursuing and attentive at first, expressed that he wanted a committed monogamous relationship, and did little things like bringing me gifts, making sure I had water at night when I stayed over, giving me a sweatshirt of his to wear in the morning, just little attentive kind things. I still have ticket stubs from all the movies we saw and how much trouble weve gotten into together. In regards to the relationship, when you get more rest and relaxation and go back to your favorite hobby, find ways to invite the guy. Thats not enough for any relationship! I thought hed at least try to make a plan. You should definitely read the book why men love b*tches this really goes into depth on why men do that. I DO ALL THE LAUNDRY, VACCUMING , DISHES ,MOPPING, ALL THE CLEANING. Im still waiting on unemployed from when I lost my ft job in Sept. My tuition for spring is late. Ive communicated everything and yet nothing. This all happended 1 1/2yrs back.. From that day on, several times we discussed this. If your boyfriend or others say that youre expecting too much, read 11 Ways to Stop Being the Clingy Girlfriend in a Relationship. Then, youll have the wisdom and guidance you need. He has been better now and takes time to analyze his intention before he says more. He barely showers and Im afraid he barely feeds my son when Im away at work. When I asked for a picture of his siblings and friends, he refused again saying they are private people and doesnt have to do with our relationship. What do you think? But refuses to do that for me. Its more to the story but I just want to vent that.. hey girl wake up,do you want to spend the rest of your life living like that? Open your heart to Jesus; listen to His call on your life. Create your own personal world girl. When I asked him about it the other day, he just said hes not the type of person, but he clearly us because he has done these things before. Web206 views, 11 likes, 2 loves, 2 comments, 2 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Andr Lima - EFT: O PODER DO PERDO. Coming to the realization that a partner is no longer emotionally invested in your commitment isn't an easy pill to swallow, and it's definitely not something to ignore. Its really hurtful to live with, and it really makes me feel unappreciated and un loved. [1] The key to solving any problem is understanding the underlying cause. These tips actually worked. We do get a long very well and we are highly mature people. When your partner no longer cares about what you say, doesn't value your presence, and doesn't seem to be invested in whats going on in your life, its can feel as though they're taking steps toward living a life without you. Ironic the 6th year anniversary I spoke of then is on Monday and we were supposed to be celebrating by going to the place we went on our first date tomorrow, instead, because they arent open on Mondays. i just dump my 2mnths loveless relationship before it gets deeper. I hope everything goes well for both us to get this relationship last. He said the reason we broke up was because of different love languages, arguing, and that he was not as emotionally available as I need him to be. Its so hard due to his work ,he still trying his best to see me at least thats what he told me. all in all, i just feel underappreciated, mistreated and im angry and resentful towards him all the time. They had another baby but as the saying goes you shouldnt have a baby to fix things so they split up. He never seems to try, you know. But he appriciate my participation in some kind of sexul things. Putting yourself out there to even carry on with friends will feel more exhausting each time till you get to the point where you just want anyone in your life at all. Recently, and at a time where my mental state has been absolute crap and I really needed some comfort, we didnt see each other for about a month and a half. I wish he understood how confused and unloved this makes me feel. I feel like it would be easier being single which I dont want cuz hes a great guy other wise. But I feel like its a symptom of that reoccuring issue of ours where he just doesnt put effort in to connect. I get 2-3 texts a day and I have to call him every few days just to hear his voice. In order for your partner to communicate, share ideas, and feel close to you, you must reciprocate their attention; a healthy relationship isn't a one-way street. I love this guy so much but I dont know what else to do, I dont want to live without him we have gotten so serious pretty fast. at the same time, I am wondering why should i wait for him to initiate, why not agree that i pay half of the dinner since i am an independent woman who believes in equality. I was 15 when we got together and he is like my best friend I love him very much the problem is, I just feel like I do everything I can to make him feel comfortable and cared for and he does very little at all. Sam I think you should be honest with your girlfriend and tell her this. to tell you honestly, im the one who makes effort for us to be together because he lives far away from me and i understand his conditon that he cant travel far.. im not a demanding partner all i want is for him to make little efforts to make me feel special and loved. We are the prize, we have to make them earn us. Lately he seem a bit distant,he will pick my calls and reply my messages when he is in a meeting,now he complains that it upsets him a bit when i text him when he is in a meeting.. And even now he knows that there are small things he has done to make me feel loved and special (eg my name on his ig bio without me asking) and Ive made it so so clear that these small things make so so happy, but I just noticed that he removed my name from his bio yesterday and it breaks my heart because thats the one thing he has done that reminded me he loves me.. its so stupid because its such a small thing but at this point I have been so starved of love that I dont have anything else. We have a beautiful home and are dog and cat owners. Because I love him, i did. I had an awful night at work as a nursing assistant with 18 patients who were ungrateful and nurses who treated me like crap after doing everything for everyone around me. And I know its not healthy to compare your relationships to others but Id be lying if I said I never wish my relationship was more like others. He doesnt seem to like me being around on the weekends when he has his daughter. His attitude stinks toohe laughs in my face when I get upset by this. That same night, he stopped replying and was offline cause they had some family time and it seems his granny got ahold of all the electrical gadgets to make them sleep early.He told me the next day and we did catch up.I thought we were going back on track until he,again,stopped replying at some point. So i moved out and got my own place and we continued dating. Whenever I go anywhere its just me and the kids! I tried talking to him about it and he was very dismissive with just an okay, I have been dating my boyfriend for over 3years now but he hasnt prioritized me..his family always comes first, whereas i do the most work, im there for him emotionally, physically financially sometimesbut I always come last on his list he is a good guy and he respects me and all but im jst tired cos he doesnt spend on me.Then i met another guy who will give me his eyeballs as soon as i ask for them but he is very disrespectful and selfish wen it comes to my feelings.. he is always the right one.. if I complain of being ignored till his convenience he jst ignores me some more and comes back to say Im sorry babe i love you and thats it..I really dont know what to do.. please help me. Normally he kept our video call within 15 minutes, and he will keep quiet for a week after the call, but last one was lasted over half an hour and he went into silent for a few weeks after that. 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